Okay, here we go with another fashion hype that established itself down to the lowest level of retail. The pastel colour-mania slightly broke out last year and is slowly but surely reaching its climax – something I can just partially understand.

Maybe this is because I’m personally just not into candy-ice-creamy-supersweety colour shade, maybe I overkilled myself with that colour in kindergarden and primary school (still having my old sweater) or maybe I just developed a deep aversion against this trend since everyone seems to think it’s wearable. Which is certainly not the case. Take me! Do I look like a slight shade of egg-yellow pastel tone is going to charm my teint? Does that candyglossy rose tone will flutter my hair colour? Do I look healthy in that toothpaste, oh it’s recently called mint, coloured jacket? No!

Why? Because “Baby, I was born this way”, which means that I’m a superwhite girl with superwhite girl problems! Therefore I’m having an outstanding pale skin (yeah, people tend to ask me whether I’m ill if I leave the house without putting some blush on my cheeks – hard reality, people!), which doesn’t even allow me to think about pulling this or that outfit of Parisienne-gone-mad-on-des-nuances-pastelles kind of attitude.

The reason for this post won’t deal with any kind of therapeutic approach to overcome the trauma of not being able to wear any pastel colours but to tell that there is not only me existing on this planet who should just not wear these kinds of colours. I’m already into my neon-phase, which I find brave enough (neon is just the big, fat sister of innocent pastel) but please could these people around me stop pulling some trends if they are just not fitting to it?! You and I don’t look like beautiful porcelain dolls with these soft colours. We look dead.

I have that one, very old RL pullover in that weird greenish colour (no, not toothpaste but rather the colour I get when turbulences arrive during a flight) and I rarely wore it in the past (still hear my mum overdramatically saying “you never wore that…never….why did we buy it again!?”). And why? Because I look paler than pale. Beyond paleness – transparency?! I don’t know. I will surely do an outfitpost with this pullover and one of my favourite pieces, an old Paul Smith velvet jacket. But besides from this (and my nail polish purchase at American Apparel a year ago – same greenish colour!), I won’t do any effort to let this shade on myself.

I know – we’re all followers of the big trend factory and you can’t deny. None of you can. Whether you try to be different or not – we’re all somehow influenced by what is going on and what is meant to be so en vogue for the next season. Of course, each of us is trying to be different, crazily seeking for individual style and being creative and all that kind of anti-mainstream-way-of-thinking, that should distinguish you from the broad mass. But at the end of the day, we all try to transform a trend and sometimes it just FAILS. And that’s where I’m coming back to this post’s topic, where I just can’t help myself but to shout out loud that those people with such a pale skin like me should simply STOP presenting themselves in these colours. Leave it out. Go for something different.

I’m fine with pastelcolours when I see them on people having the perfect skin type for it. You don’t need to be dark-dark. You don’t have to be from another origin than the middle European one to wear these shades perfectly. But at least you have to be slightly tanned. Just slightly. And maybe have some natural hair colour. Then it looks good, then you’re fine, then you look like a beautiful flower that just opened itself during a sunny day in spring.

But other than that? Catastrophe! This view doesn’t only apply to me and the rest of the palest people on earth but also to those of us having an all-day-all-night card at some tanning studio. And to fulfill the discriminating colour trend: If your body is not in perfect shape (which applies to several examples during my daily tube rides), then  you should rethink that trend as well. Nothing more to add here.

But other than this, I can assure you that being born with such a skin type and not being able to wear this, is not as hard as it seems to be. It’s just that thing that others should understand that this is not doable (as much as we all want it to be). Having said this, I will surely update my personal view on pastel colours with the above promised someday-outfit and will possibly be either able to demonstrate how to wear some elements of pastels in a fair way… or to show the world that it’s simply impossible for some people to follow this trend. We’ll see.

(The girls queuing outside have probably thought that I’m an insane person with no friends and a huge Topshop-giftcard-voucher, which I’m about to hand in for 300 pieces of pastel coloured stuff. The “best stylings” are shown below. Let me entertain you)